For many newly married couples, a significant dilemma arises: should they have children immediately, or delay parenthood? Factors such as financial stability, career demands, or feeling unprepared often lead some to consider postponing having children, sometimes resorting to birth control pills. What does Islam say regarding this increasingly common decision?
Islamic scholars emphasize that a child is a tremendous blessing from God (Allah). It is impossible for individuals to predict in advance what lessons, changes, or profound impacts a child will bring into their lives at any given stage.
While some couples decide to postpone having children, feeling they are not ready, the certainty of the future belongs only to Allah. No human can know what tomorrow holds.
Many couples today prioritize establishing their careers, securing a steady income, and ‘settling the household’ financially. When both husband and wife are ambitious and working, it introduces unique challenges to married life.
However, the pursuit of worldly stability alone can risk making individuals self-centered. Raising children instills essential virtues in a person: the education of spending time on others, practicing patience, giving selfless love, mutual respect, and sacrifice.
These invaluable qualities cannot be purchased with wealth. Islam views this role of child-rearing as crucial for building a strong society. Therefore, unless there are genuine health risks, Islam encourages believers not to fear taking on the responsibility of children.
The Holy Qur’an describes children as a source of coolness and peace for the eyes.
“And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.'” (Surah Al-Furqan, Verse 74)
Some people choose to avoid or even terminate pregnancies due to fear of poverty, hardship, or difficult circumstances. The Qur’an condemns the termination of a child out of fear of poverty as a major sin. It provides reassurance that Allah provides for both the children and their parents.
“And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin.” (Surah Al-Isra, Verse 31)
This divine instruction was revealed to correct the oppressive practice during the pre-Islamic era (Jahiliyyah), where some would kill their children, especially daughters, to avoid the burden of their upkeep.
In a confirmed Hadith, when Abdullah ibn Mas’ud asked the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) about the greatest sin, the Prophet replied: “To set up a rival with Allah, though He Alone created you.” When asked what comes next, he replied: “To kill your child for fear that he will eat with you.” (Bukhari, Hadith: 4477)
Delaying parenthood often involves prolonged use of medication, such as birth control pills. This can pose a risk of negative side effects on the body. Long-term use of contraceptives, for instance, may increase the risk of blood circulatory diseases and certain cancers (breast, uterine, and liver).
Furthermore, continuous postponement while waiting for the ‘perfect’ time can allow too much time to pass. Couples may find that their fertility has decreased, or they may have psychologically adapted to a childless life. This habituation can make it difficult to cultivate the necessary patience, unconditional love, and commitment required for child-rearing.
Therefore, when making the decision about when to have children, it is crucial to consider the long-term realities, place trust in Allah, and avoid focusing solely on immediate worldly calculations.
